Cutter

It is something you always are. A cutter, if you have ever sliced your wrist on purpose, it means you are a cutter and no matter what you do, you ALWAYS will be that cutter. You can stop the cutting and never start again, you can grow up and have a great family and job and your life can be happy. But you will always, ALWAYS be that cutter, that is what hurts the most for me.

My heart

Sometimes I don't know if I am still alive. My heart doesn't sound like it's beating at all, it is stone. But at other times, there is to much feeling, like it's beating so hard that you can see a lump rising and falling from out of my chest, at times like that I feel to much, to much and it hurts. It feels like every emotion on the planet is forcing its way into MY heart and I can feel all of the pain, the anger, the bitterness. And for some reason all of that wonderful, sweet, happy feelings get stopped and I am trapped inside my head with all of those horrible feelings wreaking havoc on my weak heart. It's times like those when I can cry, when I can sob for hours and still not feel better, when I cry and nothing seems like it's worth it anymore if I have to live with this pain. But then it stops for a while, and my heart turns back to stone, and I can't feel anything. I can't cry, I can't scream, it's barley enough to talk. It's then that I wish I could feel something besides hollow.